People rarely ask me what I do. This is usually because they have already learned that I have four children and so have jumped to the assumption that I am solely defined by motherhood.  On the rare occurrence, however, that someone asks about what I do, I often catch a glimpse in their eyes as I am describing the sessions I offer. It’s a glimpse that is reflective, and at the same time judgmental. They appear to be listening but their mind has immediately begun to assess where they might personally land on some imaginary spectrum of those who attend my sessions.  Is that something I need? Yes, of course, but do I need it badly enough to show vulnerability?  Some are brave enough to jump in and say “yes please, two helpings!” and others cling to their excuses of why self-care is not yet a priority for them.

I see moms every day struggling with “not good enough” self-doubt, forever questioning how they could have done something better, been more organized, not yelled at their kids, or how they missed a detail. Even on the good days, all it takes is one FB post or one Pinterest reference to send you into a tailspin of what you “should” be doing.

The word “should” just might be the most destructively–charged word in the English language.

I count myself in with this group, of course, but I found reprieve in an exercise from Sanaya Roman’s book “Living With Joy”. In it, she offers:

“You may have been taught that being busy creates self-worth”.

(notice how there is no judgement in that statement? It just offers an idea for you to consider and decide if it aligns with your own truth)

From this book, I learned to differentiate between Personality-driven activity (all the shoulds, and obligations we have allowed in our life) and Soul-driven activity – those activities done with your higher purpose in mind.

Weigh that for a minute in your mind. Personality-driven, versus soul-driven.

As you reflect on this and try to discern the difference, gently walk yourself through your schedule today. For each activity, consider how it makes you feel and how it relates to your higher purpose. Keep in mind that your ego will try to step in and begin justifying your choices to help you feel better, but follow your intuition. Do you feel resistance and negative emotions in response to the activity, or do you feel excited about it, like it is aligned with your true nature?

And I hear what you are thinking…”Well that’s a neat exercise, but I can’t just drop my obligations cause they don’t feel good, I’ve made a commitment to them!” Right?

If you discover activity in your day that is creating resistance and negative emotion, it doesn’t mean you have to drop it. This new awareness is gifting you with choice. Perhaps the choice is to drop it, but more practically, maybe the choice is to shift your perception of it. Reach for a better feeling thought about the situation. Consider it from a different angle or perspective and see if there is a lens through which you can see the activity in a way that better aligns with your inner purpose.

For example, when I tried this for myself the other day, I lay in bed after hitting the snooze and walked myself through the planned activities of my upcoming day, applying the lens of Personality-driven vs Soul-driven. It was going very well at first, until I got snagged on washing the dishes (the ones I have left for several days). Hmm, I don’t love doing dishes and there is no way that scraping day-old food off a frying pan is part of my higher purpose!  The job still needed to be done, and seeing how it’s unlikely I will get a butler for Christmas, I chose to look at it from another angle. How do I feel when the dishes are clean, put away and available to me when I wish to use them? Way better than I feel when I go to make dinner and can’t find a clean pan anywhere in the drawer. I carefully, and intentionally, reached for the better feeling thought – the one that fills me up when things are where they are supposed to be when I need them. I also love the way the kitchen looks when it is clean. It brings me joy to see a clean kitchen, and living with joy is most definitely part of my higher purpose.

So in the words you’ve likely said to your children a thousand times, there are no excuses, just choices.     

Sanaya Roman offers the following guidance when making those choices:

“You may have many reasons why you cannot change your life right now. If you do not begin to create reasons why you can, change will always be a future thought, and you will not be on the path of joy”.

You have a choice to live joyfully! Be mindful not to be trapped by your own creations. Everyone around you will thank you for it, and feel liberated to do the same.

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Need some help finding your joy? Head over to 924coaching.com to discover sessions designed to provide practice in the techniques that lead to a more purposeful and peaceful way of living. If a group session is not what you’re looking for, I also offer 1:1 coaching sessions to work through whatever is keeping you from your joy.

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Choose to invest in your own self-care – I promise you, everything flows better when you do!